So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu...!

In November, we welcomed two 18 year olds into our house as a kind gesture to help them get back on their feet and be able to contribute to society again. They said no one would give them a chance, that everyone judged them without getting to know them. Well, we gave them that chance and we got to know them. And now it's the end of March and they have left...

With this parting, I am hoping they learned a few things:

1. We did not force anyone to live here. We offered it and they accepted. At the time we offered this assistance, we were shit-ass broke and could barely afford the expenses with just the two of us. But somehow, Sam and I managed to pull together and work a few extra hours in order to make ends meet. Our water, food, electric, and gas bills increased and we still managed to pay for the four of us. That's what working does; it gives you money to be able to afford all of life's expenses, whether it's for two or four people.

2. We gave them a few tasks to complete while they were here. We had them take the bus, get valid identification, and apply for food stamps. Sure, they ended up having an adventure in a new city by getting lost on the bus, but everyone is bound to get lost or miss their stop their first time on a bus. There were times when we gave them a ride somewhere and they took the bus home. That's what being self-sufficient is; you have to learn how to do things in order to make it on your own.

3. We gave them chores while living here, too. We didn't ask too much of them, for example, dishes were to be washed and put away everyday (since our dishwasher is broken), the kitchen was to be cleaned on Thursdays, and the bathroom was to be cleaned on Fridays. Those were the two rooms primarily used by both of them, including their room, which we asked them to keep clean and we noticed it rarely was. Sure, doing chores isn't fun, but when you're unemployed, that's what you do... because that's what you CAN do everyday. Take pride in your home if you can't take pride in your work... but cleaning your home IS your work. It's a fact of life, unless you want to live in a slob, with filth and germs everywhere... which is one step away from becoming a trash hoarder. Cleaning; that's what you do when you're living on your own.

4. We gave them rules while living here as well. Keep in mind, there were alternatives to these rules (and chores): Pay rent = No rules. Go to college full-time = No rules. And even then, the rules were simple; go to bed when we go to bed, wake up before we leave, and apply for jobs daily. When you're unemployed, your primary goal is to either go to college to learn new skills or apply for jobs non-stop until you find a job. Most people have rent or a mortgage to pay and they don't have the pleasure of looking for "the perfect job." They take what they can get, no matter what it is, and they take the time and the effort to go from place to place, in person, to look for a job. When you're unemployed, waking up early ensures that when you go somewhere to apply in person, the manager will most likely be there... and when you go to bed at a reasonable hour, chances are you won't be a zombie when you wake up early. Again, being self-sufficient is key when living on your own.

5. While they were here, we were at work during the day. We left them in our house, with our things, all day... we trusted them with our PS3, TV, our cats, my laptop, everything. They both knew what was supposed to be done during the day, they both knew the rules, and they both knew what was expected of them. Responsibility; that's one of life's HARDEST lessons to learn.


Everything Sam and I have done for them in the past 19 weeks (yes, really, 19 weeks) was to help them LEARN how to make it on their own. Now, what they will actually take from this is beyond me... if anything. I am hoping that they will one day look-back and realize how nice it was to live rent-free for four months, to have their meals cooked for them almost every night, and to have no bills, no worries, and no real responsibilities (other than a few weekly chores). Things didn't end the way we wanted them to, but it needed to happen... and sooner, rather than later.

I felt as though we were being taken advantage of and Sam felt as though they blew an opportunity to change the way people perceived them; that wasn't cool in our own house. We opened up our home to them; we brought them in so they would have a roof over their heads, a safe place to live, somewhere to find/get jobs, and start fresh. Unfortunately, they seemed to think that we were suckers, that they were manipulating/playing us... and that was unacceptable to both of us. We bought them necessities, like soap, shampoo and conditioner, and made sure the house was always stocked with food since they didn't have their own money. We were made out to be the bad guys on a few occasions and to several different people... too bad we caught them in their own lies. No, they did not starve for three days; they ate and there was PLENTY of food in the house to eat... I promise. Yes, they had their own money to take the bus and buy necessities; they chose to mail cash out of state so someone else could buy them "gifts" on eBay. They also seemed to acquire things that I don't remember them buying while we were out shopping... No, we did not make them do chores; they CHOSE chores over having to pay rent. No, we did not make one do all the chores while the other one played on the computer all day; they chose to split the chores between them like that.

When the time came for them to leave, rules were no longer adhered to, jobs were no longer applied to, and words were barely spoken to one another. It was a very awkward and tense week leading up to their departure. It got to a boiling point though during the last week; things were said/done that should NEVER have been said/done... and that got both Sam and myself very upset. We (but really, more Sam) had a chat with them one night about all the shit that was being said/done and how fucked up that was. We also told them our unedited feelings about the past 19 weeks and our general observations... which couldn't have been easy to listen to, but it needed to be said. Things seemed to be much better around the house after the "airing of grievances."

On the last day, I took them shopping for snacks on their trips home. While I was out with the teens, Sam stayed home. While Sam was taking both teens to the train station for the boy's farewell, I stayed home. I started laundry (sheets from their room) and realized they had left a few things behind... Top Ramen! Now, for those of you that know Sam, Top Ramen is NOT something that is typically allowed inside of our house, but we made an exception just for them these past nineteen weeks... anyway, I noticed the Ramen and went to put it in her suitcase. When I opened the suitcase, I noticed a few things that I wish I wouldn't have... and when Sam and the girl got home from the train station, I had a little airing of my own grievances, which was probably bad timing seeing as how she had just said goodbye to her boyfriend not an hour before and she was all sad already... but shit had to be said. When we took her to the bus station, we made sure she had money, pepper spray, and a calling card, just in case her phone dies and she needed to call someone. Sam put her luggage on the bus, we gave her hugs, she thanked us for everything, and we sent her on her way. As much as I will miss her, I am glad that she's going to get an opportunity to start college, live with her mom, and get a job (where her mom works) in Indiana... and I'm grateful that her mom made it work a month earlier than previously planned.


Again, all I'm hoping is that they LEARN from this experience; they didn't seem to learn from it while they were here, so I'm hoping they both learn something eventually... and sooner rather than later.